A Single Woman's Parenting Journey: Survival Tidbits
220 Publishing - March 17, 2021
Chapter One Put God First
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 (NIV)
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3: 5-6
As a single mother, you may say to yourself, “I am exhausted from doing everything on my own.” Perhaps, your children’s father may help, and your friends and family might offer their support from time-to-time. Still, the bulk of the child-rearing responsibility falls in your hands. You may even be one of the single mothers that are without help from anyone.
Bills are due. Kids need help with homework. Job is demanding. House needs cleaning. Food needs purchasing. Dinner needs cooking. Clothes need sorting and washing. The car needs an oil change and tune-up. Food needs purchasing. The checkbook needs balancing. Carpets need vacuuming. The kitchen floor needs mopping. These are just some of your many responsibilities. Basically, your “to-do” list is longer than you want it to be and at times, gives you a headache.
Because of your responsibilities, you may even feel guilty for taking time out of your hectic schedule to read this book. Well, I am very thankful that you chose to do so. You needed a break anyway. This brings me to my first point. To survive as a single mother, I believe it is important to put God first in your life. Developing a relationship with God is the step that you need to also build your house on a solid foundation.
Although this is an important decision for your own life, it is equally important for your children. As a parent, you want your children to understand the importance of having a relationship with God. Raising your children using Godly principles will give them the foundation that will guide them their entire life. It states in Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Overall, a relationship with God will be instrumental in helping you incorporate balance into your life. I know that during my time as a single mother raising my daughter, I realized the importance of having a relationship with God, as well as reading the Bible, praying, attending church, and having fellowship with other believers regularly. Neither can you. It is just that simple. Tonie Mingo, a good friend of mine for thirty-plus years and former co-worker said, “My motto while raising my children as a single mother was to put God first and stay prayerful. That kept me. I believe it also kept my mother. She was a single parent, too.”
I believe this means it is important for you to make your relationship with God a priority. I also recommend that you join a church if you are not already a member of one. Becoming a member of a church will allow you and your children to receive the teaching needed to grow spiritually, which will also give you the opportunity to fellowship with other believers.
Joining a church is also important because you can develop a support system, which can be extremely helpful. Plus, nowadays many churches have single parent ministries. If you join one that does not, if you feel led to do so, you could propose that the church establish one. I did this very thing over twenty-five years ago when I was a member of a church in Alexandria, VA. This single parents’ ministry turned out to be a blessing at that time. I am connected to some of these mothers on Facebook and it is a blessing to see how God has blessed us and our children over the years. This is one of the positive things I like about Facebook with being able to keep in contact with people that have had a positive impact on the life of me and my daughter.
Plus, it is important to interact with others and not be in isolation. In the past, I used to do a lot of isolating because I wanted to handle things on my own without asking for help. My journey could have been a little easier had I not isolated myself so much.
Ironically, back in the day, I was referred to as sneaky, which was far from the truth. I just wanted to make it on my own with only primarily accepting help from my parents. Even though my parents were always supportive when I was parenting solo, there were times when they did not know some of the struggles I was going through. As I matured in Christ, I realized how important it was for me to have a support system and not always handle things on my own.
According to Max Anders in the New Christian’s Handbook: Everything New Believers Need to Know, “the church is supposed to serve the following purposes for believers: instruct, fellowship, minister, worship, baptize, observe the Lord’s Supper and exercise discipline.” I believe the church should serve all the purposes mentioned in this book.
While growing up, I was required to attend church regularly with no questions asked. When I stayed overnight at my paternal grandparent’s house during the week and sometimes on weekends, my cousins and I would at times hang out with our friends on Saturday nights. We did not want to get up the next morning to attend Sunday School and church after hanging out, as teenagers often do. Grandma Dorothy was not having it. She got us all up and her famous saying was, “I don’t care what you do. In my house, we serve the Lord.” That said, we all got up and got ready for church, tired and all. Although I grew up in the church, when I became a mother at an early age, I decided that I could handle everything on my own. I remained in the church and professed to have a relationship with God, so I figured that this was enough.
I knew that I loved God and desired to have a relationship with Him, but I did not want to miss out on what I thought the world had to offer. I was wrong. Through life experiences, I have discovered that having a relationship with God is one of the best decisions that I could have ever made in my life. My relationship with God gives me peace and a sense of calmness even when I am going through difficult times, lacking faith, and feeling discouraged. It is through my relationship with God, that I have learned to hold on to my faith even when I am at the point when I want to pull out my hair and take a one-way flight to another country.
It states in 2 Corinthians 5:7: For we walk by faith, not by sight.
As author Paula Morris Thomas states in her book Life of Days, “Faith is knowing that God is God. Faith is knowing that God is able. Faith is knowing that God is willing. Our faith is that which keeps us connected to the Able God who is willing…whether it connects our 5 senses or not. Faith is not the sixth sense…it’s just knowing that you know.”
Along my journey in life, I have not been perfect and have made my share of mistakes. You will too; after all, we are all flawed human beings. It is important for you to remember that you must make every effort to keep your life on the right track despite the mistakes that you make. Human development takes time, so does the process of spiritual maturity and growth in the Lord. Therefore, have some self-compassion.
Once you begin understanding the importance of your walk with God, your journey will become easier as time goes on. It really will. As your relationship with God grows, your children will notice a positive change in you. I must point out that after developing your relationship with God, you will still experience storms in your life. No one is exempt from trials and tribulations; they are a part of life.
Overall, your attitude about life will begin to change. When your attitude changes, you will begin to see how your journey will become easier to endure and your stress will be lessened. You will find it easier to put a smile on your face even when you are more than tired.
As it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
When you put God first, you will begin understanding the significance of giving your cares and concerns to Him. Matthew 11:28-29 states: Jesus said, Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. You will also learn to simply let go and let God. In other words, you will begin realizing that stressing and worrying are a waste of time because God has got everything under control. Also, you will begin to see the glory of God during your circumstances.
When you become frustrated, as you will sometimes, you will just pray, meditate, read the word of God, and begin thanking God because as it says in Psalm 30:5 “…weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. I am a living witness!
If your relationship with God is already a priority, you may want to re-dedicate your life to the Lord. There was a time when I believed that God was a priority in my life, but when I did some serious introspection, I realized that I was clearly operating on my own agenda, which is why life at times was harder than it had to be. And, as I mentioned earlier in this book, I am just coming out of a spiritual drought after a long time. Even so, despite my lack of faith and allowing my stressors to get the best of me, I know that God has been with me all along. Put God first – you will not regret it.